Eggsactly What I Needed
A good laugh about 100,000 stolen eggs
In pediatric anesthesia, before everyone had a cell phone, I relied on cheesy, goofy, pun-filled jokes - memorized and categorized for ideal age1 - to put kids at ease before surgery. Even with access to kids’ cartoons, I still like to keep a few child-approved jokes in my back pocket.
Combine a few silly jokes with a couple whiffs of laughing gas (nitrous oxide), and I can crack a kid up so much that they pass out.
Cracking Up
All kidding aside, the United States nationwide avian influenza (H5N1 bird flu) outbreak continues to drive up egg prices. To contain the virus's spread, poultry farms are killing millions of infected and exposed egg-laying hens. Egg prices are high today and expected to increase by another 20% this year.2 Bird flu caused a similar price spike in 2023.
Not only are prices high, but just finding eggs is getting more difficult. My family now buys our eggs in the morning, before our local grocery stores sell out around 10 am.
The Egg Market
The increased value of eggs has led to some criminals breaking into a new market. Last Saturday in Pennsylvania, thieves stole 100,000 eggs from Pete & Gerry’s Organic Eggs.
In the wake of the eggcident (I cannot help myself), news outlets have let the groan-worthy punny headlines loose.
And I am here to call attention to their journalistic accomplishments.
After a January that felt like a year and a February that’s not looking up, I’ve not felt generally joyful in 2025. My comedic standards are not very high right now. Maybe I’m happy to let an absurd headline make me smirk. It is certainly possible that I will laugh at the same jokes as a 4th grader hopped up on juice pouches and gummy worms.
(On a professional note, if you have a kid aged 8-11 years old in your house, I’m guessing they will be amused by these headlines.)
I Present My Favorite Headlines about the Great Egg Heist of 2025
When a cheesy, corny, eggy pun comes my way, I’m more than happy to allow myself to at least chuckle.
Honorable Mention: Headlines about the Seattle Egg Hunt
Wednesday thieves stole 500 eggs from a cafe in Seattle. It’s been dubbed the “Breakfast Heist” by whomever makes that choice.
The folks at KOMO News could get a Pulitzer for using whisked, scrambled and cracked in a single headline.
[Insert: Brunch chef’s kiss]
Are these headlines good? No. But they did add a touch of levity to my day. I hope you can also find something silly to lighten your mood.
If you’re wondering, fart jokes are ageless.
It’s honestly a really good time to consider going plant-based with your diet because both poultry and cows are impacted.